Revisions Part II

What a lovely gift I received in my inbox today. A great example of a press release that could have used another three or four revision passes. I hate to pick on Fanboys, but they're a victim of their own unfortunate timing:



Interviews are available on Beta and DVD format for the following:
Kristen Bell (by herself)
Kyle Newman (Director) (by himself)
Sam Huntington/Dan Fogler/Chris Marquette (group interview)

In addition roundtable interviews for radio/print outlets are available as well.
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE ANY OF THESE MATIERALS. We also have posters available as well.
PLEASE EMAIL ME AT {redacted}

Revisions

The bride and I are working on a press release today. It's on its fourth revision and is just now starting to come together. We started off with two full pages and part of the process has been trimming the fat to get down to one page. I know I've seen a lot of two page press releases, but I can't recall many (or even one, to be honest) successful multi-page press releases.

She just handed me another sheet, so it's revision five now. Very close.

In case you're lost in the shroud of my subtlety - revisions are very important in writing.

Unless you're writing a blog, of curse.

Writing advice from my iPod

"I got a story ain't got no morals, let the bad guy win every once in a while."

~ Billy Preston, "Will It Go Round In Circles"

Ricky Gervais Desktop

Ricky Gervais has become an inspiration to me. It's not the rags-to-riches story, or the excellence of his writing and comedy. He has inspired me in terms of photography, specifically portrait photography.

To honor his photographic (and photogenic) genius, I have created the Ricky Gervais Desktop. Be sure to share it. After loading it on your own desktop, load it on your mate's desktop, or perhaps one of your colleague's computers at work, whenever they step away from their desk for a minute or two. Imagine their surprise and appreciation when they sit back down and discover you've given them the Ricky Gervais Desktop!

1. Click the download button below that matches your screen resolution.
2. A new window will open with the wallpaper image.
3. Right click on the wallpaper image and select 'Set as Wallpaper' or 'Set as background'.

Click here to download the 1024x768 Ricky Gervais Desktop.

Click here to download the 800x600 Ricky Gervais Desktop.

It's no Bwana Devil

I noticed an item today on CNN's homepage, "See Obama's first oath in 3D". You would think the part to catch my eye would be "first oath", but no. It was "in 3D".

Seriously? 3D on my computer? No glasses? clickety-click-click-click.

I had to install Microsoft's SilverLight. Something that Redmond has been trying to trick me into installing for months and now they had a good enough carrot.

It was a quick download and install and one click later I would be viewing glorious 3D on my desktop. Here's my quick review:

Meh.

You can achieve the safe effect at home. "See the family vacation in 3D on your coffee table!" All you need to do is get all of the photos you took of say..... the monkey pit from the zoo trip, and spread them out on your coffee table. Voila! You are now experiencing 3D as envisioned by Microsoft.

What miracle technology will they come up with next? I predict a device that you can wear that tells you the time and weather via FM radio and only needs recharged daily!

Moss, man

I took this picture today while at an associates house fixing her computer. Her husband lived in the house for close to a decade before they were married, so the basketball goal is his. As you can tell from the picture, he either hasn't used it in quite a while or he's an awful, terrible shot. I snapped the photo to remind myself that moss grows and covers that which is unused.

of Scorpions and Frogs and Ryan Adams

One day, a scorpion looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey through the forests and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached a river.

The river was wide and swift, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any way across. So he ran upriver and then checked downriver, all the while thinking that he might have to turn back.

Suddenly, he saw a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream on the other side of the river. He decided to ask the frog for help getting across the stream.

"Hellooo Mr. Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?"

"Well now, Mr. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you wont try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly.

"Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"

Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"

"This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!"

"Alright then...how do I know you wont just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.

"Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"

So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, his sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current.

Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.

"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"

The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drownings frog's back.

"I couldn't help myself. It's just my nature."

Also, Ryan Adams announced he is quitting music.

...and the pants were sardonic.

The Bride and I had a chance to attend the Gourds show at Gruene Hall on Saturday night. It was a great performance by the band - they filled my happy tank to the top. While there, we ran into a couple we are friends with and I mentioned to Ethan how I liked his Kenny Rogers t-shirt. He went on about it a little, so I asked him what he thought of my Waylon Jennings tee.

"Waylon Jennings is pretty cool, but I'm wearing my t-shirt ironically."

Ironically? Really? I didn't know clothes could do that. I didn't give up my Garanimals tags without a fight and now I have to worry about the subtext of my clothes?

I saw the Kenny Rogers tee on the rack before Christmas - at Wal-Mart for eight bucks. Does the fact that he's wearing a mass-produced tee only costing $8 increase the irony or does it make his intended statement ironic itself? I can only pose these questions as I'm not fashion-forward enough to answer them.

Then last night a friend of mine wore a tuxedo t-shirt during his band's appearance on the Late Show with David Letterman. "What was he thinking?" was my initial reaction, but then Ethan's voice whispered in my brain, "Dude, he's wearing it ironically".

I wonder if Dave knew.

New Word Wednesday

As far as blog posts go, this is pretty weak. It's a glorified link, really, but I got so much out of the original post at Daily Writing Tips I felt obligated to share it.

Genericide - the death of a trademark word through common, generic use by the general public

The post contains good information regarding the use of words on the verge of genericide, and, as always, you can Google "genericide" for even more information.

Victoria Loves My Bride

We first noticed it a little before Christmas. The regular email turned into a steady stream and as the 25th approached it became a deluge. Victoria's Secret bombarded my wife's email box with special offers, sales, and new items multiple times a day.


Permission-marketing guru Seth Godin teaches a very good lesson about this in his book..... I think it's in all of them, actually. I have to assume the marketing department at Victoria's Secret does not subscribe to the School of Godin.

Though she loves their products, eventually she grew weary of the constant emails. The camel-straw arrived one day as she was perusing a sweater sale on the website from an email she had received, and before she finished browsing another email from VS arrived. She was going to unsubscribe, but learned Victoria's Secret has email settings for their subscribers. She changed her preference from "Spam-A-Lot" to "Sunday driver" and she now gets one email a week.

And then it got bad.

Like a stalker who starts coming around the house once you get an unlisted phone number, Victoria's Secret catalogs began showing up in our mailbox. Every. Single. Day. I like a Vickie S. catalog as much as the next guy, but every day? Who (over the age of 16) can keep up with that pace?

Here's the most up to date sampling, for anyone thinking I might be stretching the truth. The one on the left arrived last Friday, the middle one arrived on Saturday, and the one on the right showed up on Monday. My wife and I were relieved when the mailbox remained empty on Sunday.

I don't know how VS is doing financially, but they're putting quite an investment in my wife, one I doubt they'll be able to recoup. Those catalogs are all full color and I imagine it costs them more than a Jefferson nickel to print them, much less mail them.


She used to thumb through the catalogs from cover-to-cover, but now - it's too much. They go straight in the trash. In this case, into my blog, and then straight into the trash.


Today (Tuesday) is junk mail day. We'll probably get two.

Thatectomy

A hearty round of edits on my latest writing project uncovered a new word for my Dead Word Wall. The funeral for "that" commences at 10am tomorrow. His surviving family ("this" and "other") have asked for donations to wikipedia.org in lieu of flowers.

Once again, I cry for help

I realized while writing today that the English language is missing a word. More than one actually, but for right now there's a particular one I'm focused on.

The word I'm looking for would mean "ultimately correct", as in, you could not possibly be more right about something; more pure than Ivory soap in your accuracy.

Make your suggestions in the comments. The winner will receive a dictionary autographed by Todd Snider. He's never at a loss for words.

How To Survive the Economic Crisis

According to Oxford University, playing Tetris immediately after a traumatic event helps the brain block the storage of painful memories and significally reduces flashbacks in the weeks following the traumatic event.

So keep a copy of Tetris handy, and on every day that the Dow drops more than 100 points, take a 30 minute dose of Tetris and call your broker in the morning.

Welcome 2009!

The first day of a new year. Feels fresh. Feels exciting. Feels about 15 pounds heavier than the first day of 2008.

As with all January 1st posts, as regulated by the Blogger By-laws, here are my New Year's resolutions. I always pick three, because... well, you know.

1. Lose weight/get healthier
2. Take complete control of our family's financial situation
3. Write more

Number one was well under way, and then my bride made blueberry muffins for breakfast. But tomorrow, I'll start. Really. I even downloaded an app for my iPhone to make it apparent in pretty flashing lights and graphics how I'm progressing towards my goal.

I am happy to say that I started on #2 in December and have been looking forward to today as the official start of my new obsessive-compulsive, miserly ways. With apologies to Paulson and ZimbabweBen, the Devers Family will not be adding much liquidity to the market in 2009.

Which brings us to number three. I originally had it as "Write more fiction", but I think the simple "Write more" is better.

2008 was a good new beginning with writing for me. I started and finished an 8,000+ word short story and built a detailed outline for my current WIP. On that, I breezed through the first fifty pages before hitting a major roadblock. A conversation between two people had to take place and I didn't know how to get into it or how the protagonist could possibly defend his position. The cursor sat on the same spot on the screen for five months until I read Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird. Through the book Ms. Lamott gave me permission to write a really shitty first draft and that got me up and running again.

Along with all of the fiction work I also wrote several non-fiction pieces throughout the year for our magazine. I would really like to get a piece published in another magazine (where I'm not also the editor) some time in 2009. That goal may be a tough one with people proclaiming the death of the industry and titles that have been institutions for decades feeling the crunch. Nevertheless, I have some ideas to pitch once I finish my Gourds feature.

Those of you reading this who have experience as writers might feel inclined to say that Resolutions #2 and #3 are mutually exclusive. I'll post my reply to that later, as it's now lunch time and I need to heat up some leftover pizza.