Thursday, December 18, 2008

My Movie Pitch

The time is right. I can feel it in the air. Sometimes ideas are out there floating in the ether, ripe to be plucked by those gifted enough to see them. I harvested this one late last night. A fit of sleeplessness found me watching hours and hours of Nick at Nite until eventually I dozed off. The following came to me in a dream.

Sean Connery is the leader of an elite group of adventurers that find themselves stranded on a mysterious tropical island. Tom Hanks is the brilliant scientist, determined to get them home safely.

The financier of this group, the multi-millionaire (played by Oprah Winfrey) accompanied this journey as a get-away with her gold-digging husband (played by Dave Chappelle). They try their best to enjoy their luxurious lifestyle while the others work hard to get them back home. Major tension possibilities here.

Another member of the crew is a plucky farm girl who provides the street-smarts that Tom Hanks's character lacks. She'll be played by Maggie Gyllenhaal. Also along, for some reason (it did come to me in a dream) is a glamorous movie star. It was Gillian Anderson in my dream so we'll go with that.

But the main character I have saved for last. The audience can't figure out if he's the good guy or a villain (and I'm not going to give it away here!). He ruins all of their escape plans, but then always rallies to save the day in other ways. He's Connery's first officer and the star of the show. Ladies and gentlemen - Adam Sandler.

I think this will be a blockbuster that will make people forget about Titanic AND the Godfather. It's gonna be huge.

As I'm not a multi-millionaire, I plan to finance the movie by winning Mega-Millions. I have to wait for it to get up to around $240 million again as I'll need over $100 million in cash value to make it properly. I can't afford to win it when it's only at $80 million or so. This isn't some low-budget Fox Searchlight film after all!

Of course, if some mogul out there reads this and, once they figure out what I'm all about, they beg to invest in the project, who am I not say no?

I do have a plan B as well. If I haven't won Mega-Millions after a year, I'll start selling advance tickets to the film for $10 each and then use the proceeds from the advance sales to create the film.

I can't wait for that first day when I'm wearing the funny balloon pants that only come down past your knees and I yell "Action" into the megaphone for the first time. I hope someone brings a camera. I'd like a photo of it.

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